disintegrate

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today i had a run in the gym for 30minutes and it felt so good but yet i felt like dying cus i am so unfit right now itss unbelievable...hrmm...ive been playing sports since i was 9 and to stop jst like this its not a good thing...i miss playing tennis and just picking up my tennis bag at 4 and askin my mum to drop me at the club..and just meeting sum one random..oh how those days are long gonee...i still love tennis and it will alwes be part of my lifee...some of my best memories were cus of it...i dun tink i would be the person i am today if i didnt have it...hehe..and also for the fact that..thats how i met darren..huhu..but thats a whole other story...=)

i basically did research the whole day and printed out like 8opages worth of information..i feel like ive found sumthing ive alwes been looking for and that is sumthing WORTH FIGHTING FOR!!...to risk evrything and throw caution out of the wind....itss like one of blogss agess ago where i wanted sumthing worth fighting for and gave the effort for it to survive..eventho the outcome may not what u want it to be but at least ..........hrmm..life can be a big bitch and sumtimess its hard to stand up esp when u dun want to........im stuck in this situation so all i can do is make the best out of it...