disintegrate

rate

AAHHh..fuck!...i wanna go home now!..ahahaha..damn!!..im like soo soo stress cus im so distarcted by the fact that i will be going home soon that i cant keep still..like i cant do any work cus basically im alredi in my holiday self!..which isnt a gooddd..and shall i REPEAT NOT A GOODD A THING!!!!!.hrmm hrmmmm...
#
anywes...i spent the whole day in town today..i went to town at like eleven in the morning...and went on a freaking spree..i was like contemplating whether i should get these two things and i was like..what the heck!..il get both of it..cus i deserve it and im soo soo stress..and i am not completely selfish cus i bought my brother a sexy green tie and my sister blue pokadot ballet flatss!!...ahaha..itss so cute tho..heh..damn and my aunt and uncle came down from london to visit me..so we ate at nando.s which is like a YUM-O..ahhaa...damn..and she goes like..oh vanessa!!..we also came down this weekend to get ur christmas present..so do u have anything in mind!..aAWw..sooo sweett...i was like GREAT!!..ahaha..so basically that was my day..of mindless shopping!..which i have to admit doesnt realli help a stressed out mind but the onli thing it does do is give me ´cheap happiness which once in a while doesnt feel tooo bad...

so yeah..today he told me he didnt wanna see me when i get back?..i dunno what to think about it cus one part of me goes like..ok yeah i cant force him to do what he doesnt want to n i cant repeat my mistakes..i cant be frens with him then all of a sudden feel like i miss him then feel like i wanna be with him then getting all confused with my feelings.ive done that too many times and it aint fun..right now i just have to stick to my decision and be mature enuf to live with the consequences.....i guess ive kinda expected that i mite lose him when i finally decided which path i was going to take long before..itss sad cus now all i have are our memories....i know ppl mite think im sucha a bitch or whatver..but i realli dun care cus ur not me and u didnt go thru all the things i went thru....

he makes evrything ok even when its not..he makes me happy and its as simple as that..

i misss myy mummmmy!!...i wanna see her right now..ehehe..i was like toking to myy sis just now and we were just being realli retarded..my lil brother put up the christmas tree without mEE! so i was like.-.WHATTTTTTTTTTT::TAKE IT ALLL DOWN!!!!!!...and wait for mee to get back!!..ahhah..so he didd!!..ahahah...