disintegrate

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what if i told u..u were my source of entertainment and the reason i still BELIeve!

anywes...i feell so sleeppy right now and cathrin is feeding my cookies that her
grandma made!..eheh..so anywes.....i finally toked him and kinda cleared the air
i guess its sucha a relief to actually go like ..are we ok??..i cried while talking
to him and i guess its cus all the feelings ive managed to push at the back of
my mind resurfaced as he talked and the pain that i tot wasnt there anymore
became real agen...but by the end of it...we were talking and laughing just
reminiscing about the past and just felt comfortable but itll be completely
naive of me to think that we will evr be normal..after this...i mean he was my
first love after all... i guess when u lose sumone u love...u ask urself what did i do wrong?what did he do wrong??...when actually there arent suppose to be any reasons..not evryone finds their meant to bes the first time...and pppl usually take their whole lives looking for him or her...eventhough how much u PRAY and want that person to be UR MEANT TO BE...if he isnt ,he just isnt..and the point between realising that and ACCepting it is the hardest part...but all hope is not lost ...if ur willing to accept that love sumtimes hurts and that u should sumtimes use ur head rather than ur heart....then ur all set ;).....

tomorrow we will all be going to bedford boys school for a talk on citizenship,gambling and AIDS!!..so yeah...hahah...its pretty pointless but im not complaining cus it means i have half the day off !!.dammmnn.....i have a new fashion role modell..marykate olsen is freaking cool!!..ahah veryy verryy random...i have absolutelyy nuthing to blog about...except i love listening to christine play the music in the music room and falling asleep on the couch!!.....ok il blog when my live gets a little more interesting..so for now.......