disintegrate

rate

sometimes im amazed at my own concentration because on some days it can last for hours without me realising it but there are days just like today where my mind refuses to stay focus and concentrate on more pending issues like my exam coming this wednesday. there has been a constant nagging feeeling in my head since i had that dream last night. i have no idea why i had that dream but all i know is that its been affecting me since the moment i woke up. i hate this feeling right now so hopeless and doubtful , all i want is to shut it out but i cant. i dont want to be this person anymore.

we had an assembly today and it was about LIFE...there are people that spells life in this way lIfe with a capital I!! which means evrything has to revolve around them and its always..ME, me and ME!! and there are some people who spells it lIFe..with a big IF!! if only life was like this...if only i had this..if only i was that smart..these people usually have alot of complaints and usually live life with alot of regrets then there somes the people that spell it like this LIfE...with a big LIE!! these people live a fake life and is never living life with truth because as humans we are surrounded my lies for example..BUY this and u will be beautiful and USE this to be cool or whatver...and finally some people live life with a big L...in Life which means they are always learning...taking life as a test run but never taking responsibility over their actions...they always say things like...wellll nobodys perfect and oh well u nevr can tell with things like this..always prepared with another excuse..

it was pretty interesting assembly and it gave us Food for thought for today!!..hehe...happy birthday anna banana!!1 it was fun talking to you and veenah cus it felt as if i was there with u guys too...we're still laughing over the most randomest things just like back in st.johns..so i would just like to say...

to annalene...we've been friends for as long as i could remember..my best friend since primary 2..i remember seeing u for the first time in teacher josephines house for tuition..we were so youngg and small..us waiting at the balcony for our tranport to come..and then seeing u in st.johns and recognising u..we were like so obsessed with spice girls that u always gave me sooo many posters of them which i loved..u were even there when i had my very first puppy-love crush.. =)..i tink we went to the same tuition from primary 2 all the way to form 5..and have gone through soo much together,,,u were there during the happiest and saddest of times..never failing to give me a hand..i truly treat u like a sister and in every relationship there will be ups and downs but no matter what u are engraved in my heart...i remember our coinbox sessions and veenahs mum apparently falling down when she was gardening???..hahaa..i cant forget party planning with u veenah and charm and how it would always be such a big deal!! and all our sleepoverSS!!! ahh they were always fun and full of junk foodd!!...we even made a list of who our future husbands might be though mine dont really count anymore so no tiffany bracelets for u guys but i think VEENAHS one still has a possibility..hahaha..we had the same haircut when we were younger and our plans to actually live by the beach and be surfer chicks living in huts like BLue crush!!...

to charmm. HAPPY birthday =)..how can we forget JOEY!!!hahaha...we became really close when we pri 6 due to spice girls and our random dance sessions in your house and esp one with ur dresses and living room!!OMGGG withh BRown eyes just there...and we started hiding behind the couch ..i dont know what the heck we were doing but it was sooo funny...and me trying to cut ur fringe thinking i was such an expert when it turned out soo BAD cus i cut it too short which forced u to use a clip for the next few weekss...i remember picking up shells on the beach with u ..im still not sure why we were so excited over it!! as we kept screaming APA ni???.we have had loads of embarasssing momentss such a our spice girl routines which we actually performed OMGG and even when werent suppose to just like variety night where we stood on our chairs..i mean we must've been the most craziest and confident 12 year olds there ever was in sT>johnss cus we really didnt give a damn just as long we were having a good laugh =)..i love our bandar trips with the other 2 retards,,,cus we always end up doing stupid thingss..like getting our pictures taken and setting off the security alarm!!! i mean WTH!!! its only when im with u guys things like that happen =P...and of course what would our teen years be without boy drama!!!...always one to tell us the latest gossip and new and up coming coupless!!ahhaa...anywyas all and all we've been thru alot and i miss u like hell and wishing we werent all so far apart....

VEEnah...i know its not ur bday but the hell right??...i misss you TTOOO!!..ahaha...evrytime i talk to you u always make me laugh like a retard and i feel as though ive always have a friend in u..eventhough im like 3000 miles away from u when im tears or in pain ur still the one i come running to..hahaa..sorry for being such a bother..i know i should get a lifee but sometimes i just need someone who truly understandss and i know that person is u...time and time again i seek comfort from you when im tears cus i know that ur a place without judgement...uve had my back and hopefully i had yours too.....when i tink about our memories they just flood through me cus theres so many..ur always accompanying me when i need to go panaga and we'd basically freak over "U know WHO!!" and most certainly runaway from her as far as possible.it still makes me laugh thinking about why u were so afraid TOO??..ahahha...anyways...our serious FAT FEAST!!! with my double cheeeseburger and ur SUBmarinee!!!...ahaha..those were the days...where we ate whatver we wanted not caring about a calorie!! =)...

anyways....thanks guyss for making my teen years what it was cus it would've been so pointless if we didnt have our piggy-back competitions and seriously Loud laughters during break times that scared little children and the canteen people!!..we seriously became professionals in getting free stuff...where faza brian and safarul got the worse of it!! that even one day the canteen pppl started giving us free food...anywyas this wasnt suppose to be an emo blog but more of a stroll through memory lanee ...>_<..love u guys