disintegrate

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anyways i just came back from school. it has been a pretty mellow day, its really cold today eventhough spring is closely approaching.UK weather ceases to amaze me!! ive been here for almost two years and i still cant describe weather here. i stare with complete bewilderment when someone ask me " so hows the weather like?" ...its UK...what do you think?pfftt!!

we entered the world completely untouched and happiness that was infectious it made evryone around smile too. what happened to our innocence? it got replaced by self-doubt and confusion . sometimes i wonder what is the poiint in all of this. we go through life wwaiting to die!! we are all so vulnerable and supcetible to pain in whatver form it might come. i'd like to believe that one day when this is all over, i'll be standing in front of HIM and say..here i am, broken and bruised.am i worthy to enter? then he will say... everyone is worthy to enter but only through pain and sadness can one truly understand and appreciate immense love so come back to me and now your life can finally begin.

im not trying to be philosophical or anything but i just would like to believe that my life has more meaning than this. this allows me to wake up in the morning without going " damn, another fucking Day to go through!!"

yes i am a christian and i believe in GOD. does it make me a fool? i believe without seeing and i dont have the need to want to see anything. everyday i hope to feel for his presence around and i most of the time i do. i find it way easier to have hope in something than having nothing to look forward to.its about 6:30 and the full moon is staring straight at me as i look out my window...