disintegrate

rate

LET THE GAMESSS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!"

i hate the stereotype of non-speaking / silent ASIANSS!!!! that really gets to mee!!! how can people be soo damn ignorant to the world around them. At an age of globalisation and inter-relations some westerners are still living in the dark ages unable to accept foreign things. the only things they know how to do is exploit us and use us for cheap labour. what the fuck? itss not the 1800s anymore. people in asia have gained the respect that they so deserve and yes because we still have a MORALS AND RESPECT FOR ELDERS doesnt mean that we are not intelligent. most asians get to where they are through hardwork and not the fast route. we were able to enter new territory and try to make it on our own so that we can still carryy our traditions and religions.

unlike some after they have left their homes forget their roots and try to lead lives completely isolating those who have been there for them from the very beginning. not being able to speak up and not WANTING to speak up during conflicts are two very DIFFeRENT things. it may seem that it is a downfall to not let off our mouths during conflictss but in true fact it neevr was a downfalll until other PEOPLE used it against us and twisted to make it seem as if we are dumb.

what can we can say??? ASIANS are harmonious in nature and never into warss only when they really felt they to as they are being too suppressed. i mean in the long line of history westernerss have long taken the route of using their power to dominate our peaceful lands and for what???...POWER,GREED and MONEYYY..when we at the time in out livess just wnated to make sure there was enough food

for the family and that we were getting along as a village. those people are a glutinous bunch that can't see anything even when itss standing right in front of them because they ignorantt!!!!!...

so next time...you think about insulting asians or saying that their just a quiet bunch think AGAINNN!!!....after all it seemss as though we're just dragons in slumber waiting for the right moment to just leap out and some of us have succeeded. i respect china,singapore and india in making their statement and reaching a place where they are actually a threat to the world economy..

its time that we decide to stop avoiding conflict and just confront it when necessary as we are all capable .

i have been obsessively listening to rescued by jacks mannequin! i really love that song as it carries me into a mood of complete utter relaxation.:)..yes yes...i am in need of relaxation. this whole week was a whirlwind of craziness which led to me act abit mental and nasty..well not reallyy as i just felt crummy within myself but from the resultss i received i kknow it will be all worth it in the end . i saw D this weekend because i went over to help him pack his roomm up..i always love spending time with him cus he seems to always tear me away from reality and just help me not think about my stresses. we actually went to tesco as he wanted to buy me this headache cooling cream stick thing!! i didnt think it was necessary but yet he kept on insisting that we go and buy it. so sam, may, darren and i went. and from the moment we went in darren kept dumping things into our cart thinking it is sumthing i might NEED during my stressful moments during my exam period. he will be leaving in a week and so i have dont have anyone to calm me down when i have my bitch fits!!!..hahaha..so i think he may have felt kinda bad that hes leaving me here...soo sweet :)

lalalla..i feel like going to lala land :)... in a weeks time it will be half-term and i will be staying in london for ten dayssss..YAY~~~..i lovee london!!! its such an amazing and vibrant city ..it remindsss me of new york but of course new york is 10times better..hahah..but maybe thats just because i am obsessed with all things americaa..what can i say? i have preferencess with how i eat my bacon and pancakess and also my tv showss :)

today is DARRENESSA's 1year 6monthss :)..we didnt really realise it was our anniversary until i saw the date on my way back from hatfield while i was in the train..ahahah....so we're gonna have a belated anniversary dinner next weekend.. i was thinking why didnt we remember but not to sound seriously cheesyy..most of the timeee we spend together it always feells like a special day because i think starting off with a long-distance and finally being together makes u appreciate moments with each other that even fighting face to face is a million timess better than fighting over the phone... he makess me smile,laugh and PISSED off..but we knoww that we wouldnt have it any other way...cus we'll go through all the emotions just as long as we're next to each other..

"Rescued"

Two to one
Static to the sound of you and I
Undone for the last time
And there this was
Hiding at the bottom of your
Swimming pool some September
And don't you think
I wish I could stay
Your lips give you away

I can hear it, the jet engine
Through the center of the storm
And I'm thinking I'd
Prefer not to be rescued

Two to none
Roads that lead away from this
I'm following myself just this once
And I've got spun
It appears you're spun as well
It happens when you pay attention
This could take all year, but

When it's quiet, does she hear me?
Jettisoned to the center of the storm
And I'm thinking I
Prefer not to be rescued
Oh, I can feel her, she's dying
Just to keep me cool
I'm finally numb, so please
Don't get me rescued... rescued...

And it's unclear
But this may be my last song
Oh, I, I can tell
She's raising hell to give to me
She got me warm
So please don't get me rescued
Oh, say you'll miss me one last time
I'll be strong, but whatever you do
Please don't get me rescued...

'Cause I'm feeling like
I might need to be near you
And I feel alright, so please
Don't get me rescued...

i think this shall be one of those type of blogss that pretty much depressing and melancholic. i had a day filled with stress and i am pushed to the edge i can barely feel the ground below me. i have lost evrything that i love most,. i havent had the moodd to talk as it tires me and is just too much effort and my love for waffles has deteriorated and foood for that matter. i dun feel like eating cus i loook at food makes me feell sick and ALSO TOO MUCH EFFORT. i am having my M1 mocks tomorrow , i am not sure how i will do because i am not birlliant in physics and mechanics is basically physicss so im hoping for the best. ive already done two paperss today but i still have so much to do :(..i was feeling completely lost in chem class today as we are doing revisions now until our last day of schooll..it made me sooo depressed and just suckedd all the life i had life in me. i tried to make myself better by going to river island for some retail therapy but it didnt work cus i just came out just crummyy as i did before being tempted in.DAMN thosee pretty shoes!!

all my life i have always felt like an outsider. i guess i can get in the mood of conversations relatively easy with people but i always fail to make a connection that can reallly grab me to actually not feel distracted. maybe this is why i consider only a few people in my life as really close friends. and itss not my fault really..i hate people who are so damn fake. i seriously dislike people who are so friendly and talkative in front of me then as soon i turn my back they turn into a bitch or just flat out turn shady on me. i prefer to not have the conversation in the first place, as there is no point in trying to make a connection on superficial grounds. i'd rather be left alone than put up with "Fake friends" . i just have no energy to deal with that anymore. there are also times where i feel as though the people around me are not on the same page as me. their interest liess elsewhere and thats fine with mee as we are not all built the same way... whatver it is the show must go on and since evryones a fake anyways..the music keeps on playing on.

i had my math mock todayy and it was HARD...i didnt realise the paper would be that difficult cuz i have done most of the past papers and they all seemed pretty much ok with the exception of one or two confusing questions. So, it took me by the surprise and now i think my morale has dropped from an 80 to a 30%...and to make things worse i have two more weeks to the real thing!!..goodness..i just hope it will work out for the best in the end..

things have been falling into place and in alot of ways i have GOD to thank for it. I have prayed hard for this confusion and conflict within myself . i have allowed other things/people to steer my course but now i know that this is a sign for me to just FINALLY make a decision .its all up to me. so why does it seem harder now that i am left with the ball in my hands. im not sure what im going to do yet but i know either way i will have support and love. its ironic how life drops u down a couple of feet but never fails to bring you back up again so long you accept that you are in need of help.

my brothers birthday was 2days ago. Eventhough he doesn't read my blog i would just like to say:

happy birthday ko!..i just hope that this will be a great year for you and just know you are alwayss in my heart and mind no matter how far away i am. i think you have instilled me things that i would never gained without you. im not sure how much a coincidence it is that i am going to study the same subject you studied in university and that we;re both left handed. mummy kept telling me last time that you would always be teaching me how to write when i was young cus we were both left handed.

i would like to say thank you. thank you for being an inspiration for me in my life, our age gap is ridiculously huge but we still manage to find out middle ground at timess.. your definitely the typical older brother that is extremely protectivee and authoritative-like towards me and it annoys the heck out of me sometimess but i know you do it just out of love.though some funny outcomes do occur esp when u first met darren and you were SOO cold towardss him and on hindsight it seems funny but to funny for darren.hahaa..but it all worked out in the end..i know there were timess we disagreed but we just did what familiess do best. that is to love unconditionally and forgive which i think is the true definition of family and also with sincerity and kindness.i remember you would drag me to lectures in UBd by the Brunei nature society though id complain but then get all into it after listening..HAHA and get alll excited about fooodd with me!!!,,i remember the time we went to fratinis evry single day when it was hari-raya promo!!..

all and al i would just like to say...happy birthday and may all ur hopes and dreams come true.

love loadss XoXo