disintegrate

rate

heya my cheessyy monkeys =)

so guess what i went to ALTON TOWERS amusement park and it was damn amazingg i wanna go agen agen agen and AGEN!!! WAAAAAAAAAa..we arrived there after our 2hour coach ride and it was raining like a retard but we were all still exicted anyhooss..so basicallyy it was me,cathrin,jeniffer,vanessa,viviana and clarie.we decided to go together as a group..hehee...okie so we went to the furthest place in the park first just cus we thought the liness would be shorter BUt noo..it was damn long..it was the forbidden valley area..i was scared shitless cus i mean ive never ealli been a fan of roller coasterss and the coasters there were humungOUSS and i could only hear ppl screaming their aRSES off so yeah pretyyy scared..we saw this one ride called the NEMESIS and its like u had to sit there while ur feet dangless along and u go up this mountain thingy it was HUGEE..it looked too intimidating so we decided to go for sumthing lesssss scary to start with...the one next to it was called AIR and basically the thingy holds up in a superman position so basically its as if ur fllying...i was oh my goodnesss i cant doooo itt..im too scaredd...but yeah vanessa and i started praying right there in the line and then felt better..cus w'ere OK WE CAN DO THISS!!..ahahh...

i sat next to cathrin and she kept on laughinggg at me cus i started screaming b4 the ride started up...and then she kept screaming this sooo cOOLL.ahaha..and i was likeeeeeee...WTFFFF!!!!..so yeah i SURVIVED Air =) then it was on to nemesis..ok that ridde went 360 and 180 and even 90!!!,,it wasss insaneeee!!!!!!??!!!!...but love the adrenaline rush..then next up was the RITA it wasss like the fastest moving coaster ...pumped up by hydraullicsss and all..ahaha..we kept wondering where the smoke was coming from..we wanted to go on the other coaster ride next to it but jeniffer said she had a FINal destination bad feeeling about the ride so that scared me enough TO NOT go on itt!!..ahahah..yeah then we went to charlie and the chocloate factory justc us it looked cool from the outside but it was rather kiddidh..wastted an hour in the stupid linee..yep yep..then we went to this other coaster ride called the spinning whiz..where basicallyy its a huge coaster ride where the site spin on it own..the seats smeelled so bad cus it was raining and all...yeah i tink that was the scariest ridee..and then we went to this other one called the running mine train? it wasnt as scary as the otherss but enough to make me scream like a nutso...basicallly i rode like 5 roller coasterss and didnt get sick ONCEE..proud of maselff...there was this one called the oblivion where it ddropss u 90 degressss down and stopss halfway soo ur ddanglingggggg there for a few secss it lookedd soo scaryyy...we were just watching it from afar and we started screamingg!???!! yeah its not as if we were on it but yeah we felt the freakiness of it..yep

our last ride was the river rapidss...it was a rather mild ride..just going through the water..and all..and we were like yeah yeah this ride is sooo boring and i was like yeah..we can have tea here cus itss so boring..then all of a sudden we bashed against a walll and a whole load of water spilled in and wet jeniffer completely then we wERE OMGG!!..ahaha then we bashed another wall and splattered all over jeniffer again and this time the water went into her mouth and we were laughing at her like crazy..anyways it was such a funny ride..there was one bit where we passed water fallss and we were screaming like mad and then halfway we realised we werent getting wet and then just stopped screaming..

so yeah we rode like 12 rides altogether and i didnt feeel a thingg..YAY =) proud of maselff....loved alton towerss and we decided its a great way to release our stressss...fun fun =0

"country road take me home to the place i belong,
west virginia mountain mama take me home,
country road....alalla....

hehe was singing it on the way back while thinking about brunei...lovess it..

never will i look at oak and mosses on trees differently ever again!!...i just 5 days in wales and it was amazingg!!i loved it except for some bits and pieces but overall it was great..

when we arrived there, it was raining heavily and cold which was not abonormalfor wales weather but anywes she came running in our bus and yelled..hey evryone!!!!..place ur bagss in the rooms and then we're off to the mountainSS!!..we were like HUHH!!?!?!??!..ahahhaa..then before we knew it we were up walking up the mountain beside the waterfalll while millions of raindrops were falling on us...it was rather beautiful...inside the forest...we had to do some investigations in the stream and cus we had all our water proofs on we didnt realli get wet evethough we were in the stream..came back to the centre and identified insectSS...yesh it sounds disgusting but it wasnt that bad...

the next day..we got onto the bus and headed of the seaside and checked out sanddunes...the view of the sea was immaculate, seemed as if it was an edited picture or sumthing..spent like 4hours there doing other investigations. luckily the weather was beautiful and we didnt have to freeze our butsss off...the next day we went to the woodlands and checked out oak treess!!! and lichens and mosses..damn ive seriously never noticed any of these funguses before but i was forced to live and breathe it during this trip...especially cus it was the main frame of my coursework which turned out spectacularly...i came up with my hypothesis and it was postive =).

anywes...we literallyy became trreee-huggeersss!!! as tim showed us a way it to speedily figure out the age of a treee is by hugging it and see if u can wrap urself around it!!..ahahaha...funnnyy funnyy..i dunno if this trip turned me into an eco-warrior but at least im more aware of it but yes 5days is definitely enough to quench my thirst for nature knowledge for at least ten years..

im going bck in a few days and i havent packed!!..damn im so screwed...life doesnt alwes turn out the way u want it but what can u do about it rightt?....not evryone's genuine and sumtimess its rather foolish to expect more...i think its better to hope for the best and expect the worst out of people cus of the time thats what u get in return...basicallyy i dun reallly care anymoree...im living life the best i can......sometimes alone isnt so bad..

im so excited for university..i tink its gonna be amazing :)

i went for a taster course in university of royal holloway and kings college this week..it was really interesting the way they explained the courses and what exactly what it is we will be doing in our 3years..dammiti loved the bioscience courses in royal holloway but i didnt relli like the campus so much..i duno it just didnt reall give me that swept off feeeling..but then it has helped me confirmed that i realli do wanna get into the bioscience field..i lovessss it...now i just have to work on my personal statement and try to make it stand out..SOMe HOW??..hopefully il get into my top choicess of uni's..fingerss crossed!! its so competitive that its quite daunting realli..i hope il be able t pull through..

il be having my bioogy field trip next week ad im kind half excited and half dreadin it..hehe..no idea why..but oh well its gonna come whatver it is...il be back in ten days?..ahhaa..

live every moment to the fullest,
if ur not happyyy..GET HAPPY.
life is too short to spend it UNHAPPY...

sometimes in life,
we feel the things we try so hard to hold onto start to slip away,
things change ppl change life changes,
there are many things that i wish didnt have to happen,
are slowly happening....
its sad but what am i suppose to do..

today i was walking pass the hall and i was thinking of you..wondering if ur ok..
then something caught my attention..a girl was in the hall
playing the piano and it was the chinese song?
the chinese song u played for me that day love in ur house...remember?.....
i froze and just listened..
evr felt like things were moving in slow motion..
for those few mins..it felt like a lifetime of being without you.

"Leaving On A Jet Plane"

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go
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heleftandifeelsohelpless!ilovehim!
my darling left today and i feeel like i miss him even more than i ever did before!! its funny cus its not like he was with me in the first place but now i know he has to enter NS it jst makes all the harder to breathe and now he is the only thing that is occupying my mindd!! eeee..i just love him so much,,i called him last nite and after talking i couldnt sleepp...i went to bed at 3 then woke up at 4 and i just culdn get back to sleepp i woke cathrin up and went on her bed then after few mins i managed to sleep for 2hrs so basically i had 3 hours of sleep today...damn i misss him and love him!im going insane!!..hehehe...we talked for 3hours about random things and made each other laugh eventhough the situation is so sad..i mean im just looking at it as a test which we can and will Overcomee!!..

today i was able to witness first hand what it truly means to stand up for what you believe in and never falter even when things around disagrees with u...i trust the LOrd our God because he is the alpha and omega..he created me and has plans for me to carry out my purpose..He has created each and evryone with a purpose and it is not by chance that you are alive..you are alive because he wills it..He didnt have to create u but He wanted to...all i want is to trust him completely and then slowly but surely little things in life will not matter to me anymore and i will realise the bigger picture for my life.

Happy are those who are persecuted for believing in me, the kingdom of God is theirs.

Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder!

hes like the breathe of fresh air..in the midst of the fire
hes like the chocolate cake that i cant get enough of..
hes like the lil pendant il hold dear forever...
hes the one i run to when things get rough..
hes the one that listens when i need to release..
hes the one that i know will not let me down.

i miss him so much.who knew he would walk into my life ..and now that he has i wonder how i ever did without him..he made me realise so many things about myself. he makes everything worth while and now i just cant let him go.im in too ddeep...i guess falling in love for me is easy but constantly staying in love is the tricky bit....im a realli fickle person ive been told and i know that abt myself..i've never regretted a decision i have made in life so im not going to start now..every situation presents itself to allow us to learn from them...right now i am so thankful to have him in my life.......

the greatest gift of all is to love and be loved.

Age is just a number?

i am 18 years old!!..and im freaking turning 19 in october16...like i remember when i was 15 or 16 i alwes thought those ppl who were 19 were damn old!! and yeah now im 18 and as i llook back on my past wants and needs. i realise i have gone through a massive life turnover..yeah given my younger years were much simpler with little worries and all but it was because ppl around trusted me less and i didnt have any responsibilities..i think it is a myth to believe once we grow into adults all of a sudden we will instantly know what to do and handle situations better.my uncle whos like 60 was telling me...ur body ages but ur mind stays the same so its adjusting body to mind which is challenging..i loved being 13-16 cus i didnt have much responsibilities and everything in my life came easily in some way or another.but that was obviously a bubble and it was only in time that reality took its course...i love being 18,in a way yes i have so much more responsibilities and stresses but then the reward of it is so much greater...life has just opened so many doors for me and its the stress of deciding which door to open...i think being an adult doesnt mean u'll have better control of yourself , you will just have a better way in dealing with change and that comes through experience...i think so many people are so uhappy cus they think they should know what to do and cant get their head around why they cant?..so sometimes i think its quite unfair to blame our parents for making the wrong decisions that may directly or indirectly affect our lives cus their just doing what they think is best for us...when they dont even know
what that is..

protect ur inner child the one that laughs for reason and have a thirst for knowledge from the harsh realities of life and all the pain and suffering...
Age is just a number to me..cus though 18 may seem like an age for the start of maturity(whatevr that is)..im just as clueless as the next person...

on a happier note..

i tink my previous blog was kinda depressing but im over it now!! u know there are just days where evrything seems to be going wrong and feels like evrything is out of control..thats what i felt this morning?yep yep..blog therapy i gues..ive let it all out now and im okie now =)

i went to watch oceans 13 with cathrin just now and we saw jo there..we were buying the tickets and alll then as we were walking i looked at the ticket and it was like CHILD...the lady thought we were both under 15!!.hahaha what the hell we were laughing like maD!! i mean HELLO!!..hahha no wonder the ticket was like under 10 bucks!!we were laughing like crazy!!we alwes have weird thigns happen to us..we were walking by the river and this man was joggin and he ran quite near to me and he accidentally punched my ARM!! my goodneSS!!and he just continued running i was like Jerk!!.yeah anywes..that was ridiculous...

our school dining hall just had this total make over and now the food is like sooo good and all..its like we even have artistic procelain plates..cathrin and i got overly excited over them!!..ahaha then they have soup corne n salad whatver...they even have grapes,strawberries,kiwis,pineapple and melonss!! we had a fruit FEast =) and smoothiess...ahahha...i dunno why we got so excitedd over that and th best thing abt it is that we dont have to clear our trays we just leave it in tray thing where last time we had to clear it ourselveSS!!..aahha and they even served salmon thingyyss..eheh....such a huge improvementt from the last time..yeah just thought id sharee that +_+
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i kinda copied and pasted this from another site but i just had to share =)

This is a very good article. read it. Those who are still single may learn something from here.... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage.... DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

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basically u need to find sumone u think is worth fighting for cus basically it is a battle and u have to know that all the effort u put in a relationship will be worth it in the end and that he will be there for the long haul..i dun believe in changing boyfriends like changing a t-shirt cuz personally i dun think its right..young or old...u can never control who u fall in love with and loving sumone completely doesnt mean u have to give up some parts of ur life..cus the one u love will love u for u and evrything that comes along with u..its all about compromisee...i was naive before but im not anymore..thank you!

IT made me smile =)

can u telll that i am HAPPY??.....i can finallyy breathee again!!...IM BREATHINGGG!!..Wwoo-HOoo Me =)

i just sat for my last paper just now and it went well !!..YES..NO MORE stresss over exams and now i can just sit back and relax and wait for time to past!!..soo happy and relieved feels like the weight of the world is off ME shoulder s and now im as light as a feather..floating around..shahaha...i can start watching movIESs.playing tennis.going ONLine and SLACK..oh yess..all the good things in life..without any guilt hanging over my heaD!!..Ya-Ya!!..hrm i havent blogged in ages first off all i was in london last week and i couldn be bothered to go online there was SUPPOSEDLY busy revising..eheh..and then when i came back to skul firstly internet wasnt working and was in exAM mode =P..anywayass...london was fun..i alwes have so much fun in london esp all my funny lil bruneian friends are there and we tend to alwes come up with random things to do!..i went shopping with MJ and jeera once and then shopping with deebah once then shopping with Tj,MJ,Jeera,fara,kimmi,adi,zirah and ajis once so all together i went shopping 3 timess..woohooo!!..ahahha..i feel guilty for spending so muich..SHYT!!..im too self-obsessed i need to do sumthing for the good of mankind!!...ahah..YEA..im high!

this weekend ima gonna watch oceans 13 with cathrin and jenifFER..Yaya!!i didnt go watch pirates of the caribbean when evryone went in london cus i couldnt be bothered..dunnoo i just dun realli like it..SORRY VEETAG!! i know u lubss it..its ok i lub YOU!...hhaha...hrmm...i cant believe il be back in less than a month how crazy is that??..its like im done being a lower sixth student and now im gonna be an upper sixth!! MEANING i HAVE ALL THE POWER!!....hahaha...well in a way =P...yay we got to decide on our roomss and i got my single room..SO COOl...cus il have clarie and jeniifer on the same floor so i can just crash in their rooms when i get bored of talkin to the wall!!..ahahha..i toked to my sister yday and i miss her like so so much..cant wait to seee her...GAWD im gonna see my FAMILY sooonnnn.....hehee...thats so so awesome.my bruneian frens here are planning to go to belalong for the weekend and im gonna ask my bro if he wants to bring like ten ppl...just cus he's been going to belalong since he was in uni so hes the perfect guide for us i gueSS..heheh...yeah..i mean its quite embarassing that we've never been to belalong eventho we;re bruneians i meet id understand if we were americans and we didnt go to all 50 states..BUT pls..we only have 4 districts!!..ehehe..yeah...we're trying to promote brunei as an ecotourism country yet we dun know anything abt it?..abit of a contradiction so yeah..BRUNei yakin?

im soo giddy at the moment..im actually in skul right now and will be walking back to the boarding house in 5-10 minutes...lovESSs it =)..the girls in my room made this plan where we gonna ride the roller coasters in alton towers 10 times or at least until we puke..if they only knew how i acted with brian in time square,kl that time..they would be afraid to get on a roller coaster with ME..but for now..il be all innocent.yes yes =P....cant wait to go back!!...my fellow bruneian ppl..prepare for my arrival yes?..seriously im soo hyper right now i dunno what the hell im blogging..whoevr is still reading till this point could A) be really jobless B) really really find me interesting?

so yeah u know that day right...jeera and i were suppose to go shopping then we came across star bucks..we were sitting on the couchess and started toking until we realsied 2hours had passed and then MJ came along and we loved to another table where there were lots of drinks so the waiter thought it was ours so we could stay another hour there...then MJ went on a shopping spree but u see his bad was made out of paper then we were just walking along..and Prackk!! his bag tore into half so i was laughing uncontrollably and so we put his stuff in another bag which was ALSO made out of paper which in the end also went PRACKK!!...gawd we were laughing like mad..so MJ just for the sake of getting a good plastic bag went into ESPRIT and bought a shirt just to get a new plastic bag!!..yeahh it twas so funny...

oh yeah guys...im 1% vegan...meaning i dont drink cow's milk anymore.....its like u know they force cows to milk!! like using machines and stuff even when they cant..its like their forced to and it HURTSSSS for them..so sad for them u see!!...so now i only drink soya milk.. >_<
oh yeah MJ is a 100% vegan his life is so difficult not only doesnt he eat meat, he doesnt touch cows milk,cheese, cotton cus it uses too much of our water resources so only organice ,dont wear leather and is against animal testing..but u see i feel bad u know..cus i wanna get into biomed and the only way to achive progress is to use little rats and guinea pigs to test on??..SO HOWWW????

lovesss u!!.. ^_^