disintegrate

rate

DUN ACT LIKE U DUN KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT....~```~~

tomrrow im having statss!!..eekks..i hate stats!!i realli realli do...urgh if i could only describe the hate i have for it..THANK GOD..i wont be having it next year =)..anyways i got my mock chemistry results..got a B,,,itss not amazing but i gues sits alrite..i basically crammed upp revision within 3days so not bad i guess..so yeah...this weekend will be may bank holidays so going down to london AGen..ahaha..will be seeing evryone at brunei hall then after that bio mock exams...ttommorww;s 1st of may(oh yeah happy bday heidi!)...cant believe its gonna be may..time flyss when ur stressed and having fun..today i went swimmin with cathrin at like 730am then lazed around in skul before morning registration..during break all of us were sitting on the floorr in the common room eating cereal and talking about mockSS!!..gawdd..itsss seeeping in!! so yeah..basically cathrin jeniifer and i managed to do prep for 2hours!!..wat a huge improvement!!..i actually gave the hongky girlss indo meee and they freaking lovee itt!..ahah its funny cus they never had it so now they keep taking it from me..just as well anyways cus my mum gave me like a box and ive only touched five in 6 months?..whaha..yeah i crave for nasi lemak more actualllyy..

i cant turn back time or wish i was sumwhere i wasnt...
i cant remain an observer while others live their life...
i cant stop change so just accept it...

even when all the leaves fall,,
and the sea stopppss the ocean roar..
through the windss and llosttt sand...
until my last breathe...ur all im holding on to..
this is who ive become and what im all about..
what i had before was great but itss time to flip a page.. <3

I WANNA RUN IN THE RAIN AND FIND U THERE WITH AN UMBRELLA!!!

muakz..hehehe..well welll today is sunday and tomorrow is the start of another weekk!!..full of stressness!!..but im all ready for it i tink..anyways, i chatted the whole day with veetag damn that girl can stay on for ages..ahaha anyways im happy cus she kept me company!!

i wanna get lost in the dark just to find ur handdd...
i wanna misss a step just so i can fall in ur armss...
i wanna sleep for all time just to dream of you..
i wanna let the whole worldd know that ur in my life...
i wanna hold ur hand and never let go...
i wanna not be afraid to take that leap with u...
i wan u to be my umbrella!!
i wanna wake up n find u next to me...
i wanna dancee thru the whole nite under the starss..
i wanna watch the sunrise by the beach n feel tht ur near..
i wanna walk a million steps just to be close to u...

a story by cathrin...
it will stay forver!!! and on the day of ur wedding at the alter..when he givess u that kisss ur hair will turn pink and you turn into a butterfly..and fly away!!..ahahaha

MY MARSHMELLOW LOOKING SEXY =)

tonite i met up with joseph and gosh he lost like so much weight it was nice of him to driv down to bedford and meet up with me..i brought clarie and jeniffer along with me..we ended up going to mcdonalds and drank hot chocolate and mcflurry...hehe..it was so soo funny cus he had the biggest stereo sysytem EVER and we almost went deafff like seriouslyy!! his fren just burnt a cd for him and Girls just wanna hav fun songg came up!! and i was HEYY.play that songg..and we were like..OHHH````` girlss just wanna have fun!!allala..and he was like OMG cant believe im playing this song on my huge ass sstereo systemm..anyways it was fun =)

i talked to my love darren my darling..he is soo soo amazing...i nevr knew i had a dream until he came into my life..evrytime im near him i just cant stop smiling and laughingg...hes trying hiss mightiest to come here and be with me and i hope he can..eventhough hes a milllion miless away from me it doesnt matter cus all i wanna do is just love him..eheh..through all the disappointments i have had with lovee and the trust that i gave i am hopeful that this wont be another disappointment..when i look at him i wan him to be my alwes alwes..ahah..gosh once a hopeless romantic ,alwes a hopeless romantic i guess....

okie dedication = darren chai! =)...congratulations my love!

welll..darren as i would like to call..MY LOvE and chocolaye bunny =)...ive known him since we were like 13? but never got to courage or talked to each other..he was alwes he hot tennis player!!..ahha well to me anywayss..faith stepped in and decided to give us a chance and though it was retarded timing cus i was alredi gonna leave to the UK and he was in AUS..well god workss in mysterious ways and all we can do iss just follow..muakz..that was a dificult time in my lifee...so much tears and heartache...he was alwes alwes there for me..he'll call me whenevr and wherevr..and make me feel better..i alwes ended up laughing like mad evrytime he starts a conversation even when my heart was feeling heavy...i remember when we spent the whole night talking for 6 hours and wondered where did time actually go..he makes evrything worth it..and i fall more and more in love with him evryday...

he came this easter to see me cus he knew i would be sad that i can be with my family during the hols..so he bascially begged his dad for 2months to let him come and spend his 18th birthday with..we ended up celebrating it at my cousins house in london with my aunty and uncle and sum friends..hehe..he never fails to show me that he loves me and theres not a doubt in my mind that he means evrything that he says..i love that heee has the kindest heart and has a sweet spot for lil kidss...he loves to eat my yummy pancakess that i make cus it has the perfect balance of sweetness and texture..thinking about the future though very unsure and unpredictable i hope to have have his hand to hold..the saying goess like this..we go through the wrong ones only to appreciate the right one when it comess along....things may not alwes be perfect and happy but its during those times that u have to decide whether its worth it to fight for it..and if u know that it is..then by all means....dun give upp..

have u ever sat next to someone and feel like u've known them ur whole life?...<3

i shall call this weekk dedication weekk...whereby i shalll postup blogss for specific ppl and just say random stuff though its hell week for me cus of exams i feel like doing this anweyss...so lucky person number 1 is VEENAH G... congratulations girly girl..=)

VEEnahh =)
veenah is one of my bestest bestest ever friendd and she is one amazing person inside and out...shes alwes there for me even if she isnt physically wehnevr im feeling sad or sumthings bugging me im alwes hoping to tok to her or at least give her a ring..i remember from form 1- form 5 we would alwes sit next to each other and do the most randomest things and i miss those days..evrything seemed so much easier those days right v?..i tend to veenah the randomest nickss..some would be kinda nic like veenosh veetag and even nicer oness like...vin diesel?..she has a thing for BB which i dun get it just happens..its like coincidentally she'll just attract them.. ann and i have this bet that she'll get married with one and who is also *****..well ann u know what i mean :P..hahaha...oh yeah too bad i wont be getting u guys ur tifanny&co jewellery since im not gonna be getting married with that certain sumone anymore!1..ahaha damn we were freaking naive those dayss..but that was what made it funny..i kinda lostt the paper and probably wasi took it and read the whole thing...

ii remember planning my birthday parties and veenahs parents will be like oh is the princess's bday isiit..ahaha...anyways i love ur parentss their cool..eheh..i remember when we did that aerobics thing with my mum at the field and we were on stage and we got so lost at one point..dude tht was so embarassing there was so many ppl THERE!!,..and remember when i alwes force u to come over and alwes meet each other half way//well u would walk more than half way which u alwes accuse me of walking very slow..till this day i deny evrythingg..ahaha..i cant believe u left me and went all the way to KL ..we would alwes joke abt the day when i meet ur GRAndmama and she'll think im the mosttt rudest and retarded person eveRR..what happen to our plan of opening our own resto and il be the lady at the counter ,charm the flirty waitress , ann the dishwasher and u the COok..and what the hell were thinkin placing u as the cook i mean u cant even fry eggs!!..and im afraid u might put condense milk in all the dishes...ahaha...

sleepovers alwes was crazy timess and our movie selections got weirder and weirder!! like MAHAYA and the cheeseckaee drifting to the seaA..we still havent done that by the way...when i tink about it now i cant believe we spent so much time together not only did we go to skul together,tuitions.lived basicaly 5minutess away,called each other and went to panaga together...i wonder how come we never got sick of each other?.a.ahaha...thats the coolest thing i tink :)..thats why it feels like a piece of me is gonee when u left=(..but no worriess ul alwes have me to back u up..even if u live in alaska il stilll be ur FRiend..ur not getting rid of me taht easily..:)..times in malay tuition where we would laugh like mad..once weluagh for 2ominutess straight seriosuly i almost passed outt just cus that girl looked like prom queen!!..ok dude that was seriosuly mean why the hell did we call her prom queeen?..ahaha i tink that was charmm and checking what she was wearinggg!!! if u get what i mean la.. :P..prom night was amazingg in a good way and bad way...i didnt like it cus of the stresss at the beginningg...i remember going realli early in the morning and placing the decorations..the placed was suppose to look magical but it didnt realllyy?.a.ahhahah..anwyays it waass all goodd by the end of the night..the night before blowing all those stupid balloons and watching travelling jeans?...forgot what it was called..ehehe..

anyways all i can say...having u as a friend has beeen completely amazing and wish i could turn back time but i cant..so all we have now is to look forward for the future and hopefulleh do some travelling together a diefinite must..we have to get those 2 biatches to come along as well..i misss our ccacat times togrther as a groupp...sumthing about it i will nevr be able to let go or forgeTT..u were the ppl that grew up with me and know me inside and out..i have tremendous respect for each one of u and hope u know i love u guyss LOADS

Heal me and make my heart whole again =)

basically im being drowned alive with mock exams i have mocks for the next 3weeks then il have 3 weeks study leave then i have my module exams and im totally freaking out..with all my heart i hope i wont screw it and be unprepared..i wanna do my best of my abilities so i wont have any regrets after walking out of the exam hall cus i tend to alwes say to myself i couldve prepared more..im sick of that happening i just wanna be prepared and even if i do bad at least i put my all in it..

anywys i love my new room and rommates...we alwes end up brushing our teeeth at the same time at nite and complain on how hot the room tends to get but yet appreciate that it means we're actually losing weight ..too bad i wont be going to hongkong this summer as was planned but hopefulleh dec..when my sis getss back..ehehe..jeniffer was all excitedd that she kept farting!!..GAWD shess hilarious!!...next weekend it'll be bank holidays so il be going down to london again and hopefulleh attend hillsongs mass agen..so soo fun =)...we're gonna have our summer ball which will be so cool cus we'll all porbably go dress shopping..and go mad in the store...

gosh cant believe i have two more months of lower sixth then going back to BRUNEI..
reasons to be excited!!

1. IL SEE MY FAMILY
2. il be taking my license..huhu
3. work experience in RIPAS in the forensics and microbiology dept.
4. my cousiin from canada whom i havent seen for 10years is coming =)
5. gonnaa go singapore with my mum and lil bro i tink..ehehe
6. TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TENNIS TRAINING
7. gonna see my cacatss...
8. lazing around at home..laying on the couch and watching project runway
9. eat matarbak and drink teh tarik
10.going for breakfast early morning with my brothersss...=)
11.going for aerobics with my mummmy and playing golf with my DAd =)
12. SHOPPING..i mean honestly if u can shop in UK u better damn well shop in ASIA..DAmn cheap
13. watch DVD's with my lil bro and promise not to argue well at least try
14. THE BEACHH~~~,,,waking up at 6 just to see the sunrise and feel the cool breeze
15. TTTTTENNIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssss
16. catching up on whats changed which i bet is lot!!..
17 .DIMSUMM...i dunno where..but just that london dimsum is so damn expensive..
18. ESCAPADE!!!!ESCAPADE!!!!...ESCAPADE!!..AHAHAH

I misss my darren ..i wish he was with me.and that he didnt have to go for NS..why is malaysia stealing him away from MEE..bleh..soo mean..u BIG MEANY!!!...

I LOVE MY DARREN CHAI =)...

im back in school now and i had the most amazingg easter holidays!!..ehehe...i spent three whole weeks with my bunny that came all the way just to see me..and now tat hes gone i feel a little lost..not having him around to make me laugh or annoy me..and the worse bit is i dun even know when is the next time im gonna see him..snifflesS!!..i just am grateful to have an amazzing boyfren that lovee mee loaDs..ehhe..harhrah...i attended hillsong at the royal albert hall last nite and it was INSANE!! never in my life would i imagine having mass in such an amazing place..wwe went mad!!..ahaha and pluz the speaker christine from australia was comepltely inspiriing..it came up to a point where i realised i gotta stop playing the victim and start taking control of my life and carry out my greater purpose and stp making the world about ME..cuz its not about me anymore.itss about GOD..

i dun wanna be lost in the wilderness and not knowing what to do anymore..god has given me this gift and i shouldnt waste it all away..im just grateful to be alivee grateful to ppl that love ..grateful that i am healthy grateful for the many blessings...

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE...

Labels: grateful

dedicated to a fren and brother.. CAlvin chee

i cant believe hes really gone and that i cant actually talk to him anymore..when i heard about it i couldn't fathom the situation and all i could do was cry and fall to the floor..in my head i kept thinking it wasnt true and all i wanted was to go back to brunei...ive nver lost such a close friend before and to think we knew each other since we were kids.. so from that moment on..the next few days my mind kept rewinding moments i had with cal..we actually all started playing tennis together when we were like 12 and then just grew up with each other...some memories il forver cherish and even forces me to laugh when i tnk about it...

cal has alwes been a great fren and for as long as i can remember he was just cool clavin nver lost his temper..the worse thing about it was that all he wanted was to ead a normal life..though he was sick..he never made it an excuuse to not live his life but instead did the complete opposite...in sportss he put just as much effort as any of the other guysss...evryone that had him in their livess is blessed....no matter if u knew him for a far or was as close as glue to him..it doesnt matter cus evryone feels that his presence is lost...but all we can do now i pray that hes in a better place..and thank GOD someone as special as cal came into this world...

tears will not stop flowing..
memories flood my thoughts..
i still cant belive ur gone..
im sad...
sad because i didnt tell u how special u were..
that i considered u a fren and a brother..
did u know how i felt?..
but now its too late..
so all im doing is lifting up prayerss for u..
hoping for ur soul to rest in peace..
and until we meet agen...
i hope my actions spoke louder than words..
il never forget the momentss we had..
the tears and laughter..
my heart is heavy stored up with cherished memories..
it realli isnt goodbye...
it cant be...