disintegrate

rate

life is short and it sucks most of the time..and when u find where ur happiness lies..u better run as fast as you can towards it before you lose it forver!!..plz just do it!<3

hello my not very large group of loyal readerss. =)...waves*

shyt...i just got back from london and i SWEAR it was the greatestt london thuss farr!!..damn i actuallyy feel like i love london now!!.weeeeeeeee =) i did soo much and crampeedd up my holsss with lotss of walking and exploring!!.well got there on friday and met up with gordon and jas and met sum girlss from hongkong and this guy andrew...anywess..we just hadd dinner at the four seasons and went shisha-ingg!!..it was pretty retardedd cus i wass so sleepy.yeah then the next day we went to watch hannibal rising at trocedero which wasnt a great idea cus i hateee twisted movies and it was definitely a twisted oneE!!!..hiyah...well all my bruneian frensss were at brunei hall =)..we actuallyy spent one nite just talking about universties cus my frenss just got back from travelling the UK and said the suburbs was a more more nicer place to stay than in central london..yeah ok before that watched breakfast at tiffany's!!.ehehe..i had a pretty good valentiness day!!..CUZ i spent the whole day with my cusin..she brought me OUT..like we had dimsum in china town then walked down SOHO and then down mayfair then to the science museum!!..ahaha..damn we actually into the simulator ride..which was preTTY VIOLENT of a gamee for 8-10year oldss..ehhahha..we had dinner at this THAi reato oh damn..the foodd was just sooooo goodd!!!!..like u just know everyoness enjoying the foodd cus when the foodd comess evryone just getss dead silent =)..oh yeah then i went back to brunei hall on MY OWN by the TUBEE!!!..clap clap!!..so proud of maself!! =P

to get over the depression of valentiness day..we all decided to get presentss for evryone!!.like there were 10 of us...so each of us had to get 10presntss then exhange them at 12!!..it was soo soo farny..like at 12 we sat in the dining hall in a circle and started exchnaging giFTSS ...hehe..tajus bought kimmie a vibrator..hahahaha..and her boyfren bought her an ipod!!..damn!! we were screaming like hell..then fara bought MJ the elmo doll that keepss laughing when u ticklee it!! and fara bought deena an escada perfume..aaahahaha.a..DAmn!!anywess then i went to bed cus i was dead tireDD!!...we were suppose to watch music and lyrics but evryone was damn broke so we didnt in the end!!..

i visited kings college london and attended the lecture with sam!!..we were like so late for the lecture cus of the stupid tubeee delay and then when we walked in the whole place went silentt and the lecturer was like looking at us..i was like FUCK!!!..then he said..now ive lost my train of thought!!.a.ahahah..but later on he just continuEDd..then we had a lunch break then we just walked around covent garden..as u know!!..ive been lookin for a black coat so i was abt to give up cus all the storess sold it either tooo expensive or big or whaytver...then sam decided to go in FCUK...then i found the coat of my dreamsSS..ahahaha..it was 140 but reduced to 60!!...waaaaaaa..i went mad but then sam pulled out another coat but not the same style but i loveedd it too..and it was 120 cut down to 45...shytt..i was torn anddd was aware we werr gonna be late for the next lecture cus it was 15minutes before 2..SO I GOT BOTH!!.jaaajajajahahahaha///im nutss i tell u@@....so we were running like crazy down covent garden!!!! then reached the hall right at 2!.yepp uyeppp///heheehuhuh...the next day i went out to oxford street just cus muizz wanted to get shoesss...by the end of it..i got shoess tooo..ahaha..thiss stupidd wafi kepttt temptingg mee and asking me to buy itt..ahaha..i bought green chucktaylorSS!!..ahahahaha..

i felt really sad actually yesterday so i went out with zirah and mj and decided to go shopping at zAra;s..hehe..then we walked down little venice..itss soo pretty..we just walked along the river and there were swans and duckss along the way..i didnt know abt that place until that day and it was weird cus it was so quiet and peaceful didnt feel like london anymoree =P..oh yeah gong xi fa cai evryone..i didnt do much fro new yearss cus i didnt seee the point in it cus i missss my family and alll i wanna do is just go back for new years but i cant so why bother..i just ate lunch at china town then walkedd back to paddington!!..didnt feel like wtaching the parade..yepp yeppp....
evrynite at brunei hall was so much fun..like we would just play foottball and the ball would like hit the ceiling and evryone would just bee likeee WOO!!..ahahaha...oh yeah we weent to this malaysian resto to have lunch then kamilin wafi muizz and i ordered cucur pisangg..ok it was like 2.20!!...then when it arrived it was damn small!!!..like it was one banana cut into 3!!..ahahah...we were like WTF..this for 2.20!..and there was 4 of us!!..ahahaha..we made so much fun abt it!!..

so on our last nite..we went aand bouught bananas,flour and eggs andcooked cucur pisangg!!..ahahaha...like the kitchen in brunei hhalll aint exactly bigg so like.there were 10 of us all stuffed in the kitchen yelling at each otherr and goinggg ..AREEE u sureee ur suppose to do that??..eeeh!!!!...likee tajus,wafi and fara were sitting on the floorr and going...SUDAH kah?...andd kamilin was by the stovee getting all hot and w ewould yell at him when the bananas got too black!!..ahahah..and this muizzz sittingg down syaing...whatss taking so long??.bah fastter mana the cucur pisangg!! and we would go like..ur not even doing anything!!!..and then yazid gettig ing alll pissy cus we added tonned of icing sugar on the banana's cus he said it was to swEETT!!..and im likeee going SOO HOTTTTT!!!!!!!!.....ahahha...then half way thru the fire alarm went off!!!..and we were liek what the hell??..then it was atcually cus the next rroomm was playing with candless nutss im telling u!!then we all went upstairss and evryone shot gun to not clean the kitchen cus we couldnt be bothered anymre....yepp yepp..that was pretty much brunei halll...i miss it there alredi...but as well i dun mind being back here...but i miss all of themm...they reallly are quite the interesting batch!!

so yeah...im like deciding whether i will applly for uni in london or sumwhere else..hrmm..evryone seems to be going for sub-urban..so it would suck if i was in london and evryone elsee so far,..no ideaa..

i guess its not the worst thing in the world to have someone love u more than anything else in the whole wide world..the heart wants what it wants and sumtimes that can be a flaw..our own human weakness confused by what we want and what we need..how can u be so sure of sumone and sumthing??.how will u know where willl u be in 10years and make a promise to forver be together....im nott scared of getting hurt but terrified of the unknown....i dun want him to stop loving mee..will he still lovee me if he knew...i dun wanna be a prisoner in my own mind..if u hold on to tight it mite slip but if hold on to loosely it mite do the samee... i wanaaa go back to where we were...holding ur hand and tellingg u forver will be me and u....without all the distractionss and interuptionss..before it got too complicatedd...all the simple thingss!!..please dun give up on mee...im stilllll a puzzle unsolveedd and broken be the one that remains patient and realise the countless flawss that makes up who i am....i loveee u darrenn!!

Labels: dun let go

so guess what happened to me today!!

i had a snoww DAAYY!! skul was shut down of snoww when i woke up this morning llooked out the window and evrything was prettyy white!!.and it was stilll snowing so i stuuck my hand out of the window and caught snow flakes and just listened to the sound of falling snow until i started freeezingg up and shut the window..ehhe..it was so much fun cus as we were going to skul ppl were cuming and saying...skulss CLOSED!!..AND we were like u sure?.. so we got to the skul compound and it was completely deserted so cathrin and i took pictures while building a snowman!!..and crap..my camera is totaly condemned cus i doesnt work anymoree..SHYT!!!..but oh wellss..i called my brother up and asked him to help me get a new one..and he said okie..ahahah...hiayh im so spoiled!!..

well..i did a 3ft ssnoww man it was soo soooo fun and tiringg..phew and did a snoww angel with jojo that girl is nutss esp antonia cus she was only wearing a t-shirt and a coat which is madness cus i wore like 6layers of clothingg.ahha...and as we were walking back from skul there were some random guys that kept throwing snow ballss at us??i was like what the fuck is going on??..these 3random guys ive never seen in my life is atttacking us with snowballs...i SWEAR boys just dun function welll during snow days..ahaha...yeahh then had a huge snow fight with the girlss iin front of the house!!....and now im just sitting in the roomm feeling so exhausted,looking out the window as the snow falllss..hopefully it doesnt continue till tomorrow cus we have to go down to london and i tink il die if i have to drag my luggage through the snow!!..ehehe...wakakak

been completely submerged with work!!??!!..the stress of it all.. =) well id pick stress with studies over stress with life any day!!.AMEN to that ppl..ehhehe...im starting to read a book by douglas adams called The hitch hikers guide to the Galaxy..which is said to be prettyy goood....wakkaka..stayed in fiona's room before dinnerr last nite to talk about my damn coursework but ended up talking up talking about how cheap thingss are in asia!!...random momentss....its a good thing today is a SNOW day cus at least i get the time to pack my stuff which i will definitely get stressed over cus i DESpiSEE and i mEAN HATEEE packingg...anyways im feeling so damn hungry n i dunno what we're doing for lunch cus usualy we'll have lunch in skul but cus we're not in skul, no idea where lunch is cuming from..ehehe...

talked to my mummmyy and brother jst now..miss then soo soo much!!..was venting out my annoyance with my coursework and how im behing in math cus i absolutely hate statistics...my mum was like..i know u just wan to pick things up easily and not realli use much of ur brain power but now ur in a higher level so ur effort must increase as welll...so yeah..u alwess complain about thingss but later on ul get into the swing of things..so dun give upp.....
my mummy is sho sweet...hehe...time is flying by like a planee...it feels even faster when ur doing so much at once.....oh yeah..yesterday i receivec my first ever Prospectuss from Kings College London!! it was quite a momentus occasion for mee eventho i forgot i even ordered one...i am just waiting for the one from melbourne uni..

weeee..il be going back in 4 monthss timee..ahahah.....thingss changee,life changes,,so dun expect me to sstand still and be the girl i was once a upon timee...

Labels: she continues to astonishh......

my dads birthday was yesterday!!..i wish i couldve been there with the family but oh wellss it just wasnt meant to be!! i called him up in the morning tho but he was in a meetting/..sniffles* but its all good cus i talked to him the night before...,my dad is the most amazing man in this whole planet earth , i mean in a way he is the reason i am actuallly stilll alivee!! can u imagine if he neglected me when i was baby?..i couldve have fallen and hit me head and then WHO KNOwS.?..ok whatver...but im just saying that my dad has gone through so much in hhis life and yet he still lives with a smile on his face with nuthing holding him back and also plays KILLER GOLF!!..aahh..my dad my HERO!! =)

anywes I had rotary interviews last nite where basically ppl from companies who work with human resources come and give us practice interviews .so i had to write up my CV and letter fo applicatioon,i was first interviewed by this man that i thought was pretty cool but i was so nervous..he gave me the best advice..

life ur life with Epathy = the ability to understand someones point of view without necessarily aggreeing with it

he looked me straight in the eye and said..thats not just an interview tip but a life strategy if u can do that and understand its meaning then it'll make u a more successful person! overall the interviews weere fun and it was a great experience....it was just hard having to sit there and seell urself to sumone u just only met so that they will believe that ur the person they should hire for the job...quite intimidating but then a great learning experience...

anywes today was the CRAZY and HECTIC!!..first of all..i had to wake up at 7 cus i needed to be in skul by 820 cus my form group was doing the assembly and our theme was on LOVE..so what we did was we sat in the crowd and one by one and stood up and said a quote on love..my quote was LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR !!...then we had to go up on stage and helen read the corinthians passage ...love is kind,love is patient ..... and chantelle read a poem wriiten by henry the 8th for his final wife that he truly lovedd but later on died called green sleevess..and vivian played the my heart will go on on the piano it was soo good....yeah then after that i had to dash to the biology department cus i had to get started with my coursework experiment which was complete madness!!..i didnt do that great so hopefully i can make it up tomorrow..then later i had careers where 2lecturers and 2 students of de montfferd university came and gave us a talk..pretty boring actually!!..hahaa

anywes...i was thinking about tthe past year and what a crazy ride it has definitely been!!..i mean in a way i was given a week to change the direction of my life and then had to develop the courage to take the risk!!..gosh i tot i knew where i was heading but then GOD blessed me with a situation that changed MY dESitny!!he planned an even greater plan than i ever could imagine for myself...i finally feel at ease over here and now i can say that i am content with life...i dunno why God has made such a plan for me but im just glad that i know that when there isnt anything i can hold on to when im feeling weak, HE will alwes be there to guide me through the darkness!!..next week is the start of my half term holidays and that means 10days in london!!..ehehe....gagaa...im quite looking forward to it...im not going back in april which completely suckss but my bunny has been asking his parents for the past month if he can come to london to seee me during my holidays!!..and finally today they said OK!!...ahahah....i wasnt sure when he told me about like a month ago cus i didnt wanna have my hopess so high..but now its like 90% chance which means he;ll spend his 18th bday with ME!!..gosh... i misss him soo soo much!!!...cant believe its been a month since i last saw him cus it feels like 5years!!..

my definition of love...

love is exhausting and cause you to stopp listening
all u hear is the sound of ur 2 hearts beating
telling u that love is all you need
and in many ways u start to really believe it
never leave sumone u love for someone u like
cus that sumone might leave u
for sumone that they love
love is knowing that ur not alone
lovee is feeling beautiful even in ur quarters n tee
love is not shaken by fights or disagreements
but just simply getting annoyed with each others presence
but grabbing his hand as hes about to walk away
love is going to sleep hoping ul see him in ur dreams
eventho it hurts to wake upp
love is knowing that it is it
and that ur not missing out on anything
cus being without him
is what UL be missing out on!!
and this my dear is shocking even for me
love isnt about getting that harry winston or tiffany
cus his promise to be with u alwes
is a value that will last a life time =)
love=darren!<3

A piece by Robert Doisneau
'The kiss at the Hotel de Ville,1950'

In these ordinary surroundings which were my own I happened to glimpse some fragments of time in which the everyday world appeared freed from its heaviness. To show such moments would take a whole lifetime.).

--Letter to Peter Hamiltonfrom Robert Doisneau,January, 1992

i walked past a book store in oxford and came across this photo and was instantly captured..went into the store hoping to buy a post card of it or sumthing of it to keep..some say it was it was his greatest piece he managed to capture a moment so wonderful experienced by two ppl.no one knew who they were and may have not given them a second thought as they were just like anyone else on the streets they werent famous or royals but it was due to their immense love and passion that allowed them to be noticed and eventually extraordinary!

love doesnt need to be extravagant..u dun have to kill urself with poison or fight the evil dragon or end with huge heartache to justify that it is real...love is natural and experienced only through our own beating hearts.